she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
