My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
