i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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