Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
