i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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