Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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