we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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