Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
