The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
