Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
