tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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