I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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