There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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