FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
