Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize