Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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