Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
