I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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