the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
