Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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