Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
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