i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
