I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
tell me about the eggs
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
