The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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