How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
