My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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