Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
