we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
