I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
