u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
