i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
