All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
