Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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