woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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