I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Houston, we have a squirter
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
