So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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