yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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