somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
They took my balls.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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