Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize