i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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