he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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