I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
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You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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