i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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