well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
