You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to sanitize my soul.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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