If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
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