I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
