They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
