So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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