shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You need a sexual gate keeper
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
