He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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