We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
