She said her name was "party"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
