i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
