I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
