smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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