This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
