A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
smell my finger.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
