1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize