From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
