wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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