Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize