There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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