I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
